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Posts Tagged ‘construction’

Starting tomorrow, I am having a boatload of people come to visit me.  This is something I do not do.  It is completely out of character for me.  If you know me, this statement will surprise you.  I am friendly, warm, engaging and you would think that I have people over all of the time.  Not so.  My house is my private sanctuary or my private hell, depending on the day.  I had a girlfriend for two and a half years and she only got to come to my house five times during our entire relationship.  And never for more than two nights.

I used to use the excuse that my house was not finished.  It is an old house, constantly under construction, and I have startitis, where I start a project and abandon it to start another before the first is complete.  I now know I did that on purpose.  I didn’t want people in my house.  I’m feeling waffley about it now.  On the one hand, I am so excited by the people I’ve invited and I absolutely know that memories will be created that will sustain me through less eventful times.

BUT, I like being alone.  I like it alot.  It’s taken me many, many years to recognize this and not feel guilty about it.  So I’ve mentioned it to the people that are coming.  And  surprise, surprise, they all get it.  Some of them even empathize because they feel the same way.  I’m not one to share my insecurities, but the discussions came from a place of love and caring and plans are in place.

I’ve been able to let go of my stress and I’m actually really looking forward to every little bit, every interpersonal connection, the physical presence, and yes, even the overwhelmingness of it.

Bring it on, baby!  I choose all of you!

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Birthday

Today is my birthday.  And the first day back to work.  I spent the weekend with my mother and step-father doing home improvement.  It is not done.  I generally live in a construction zone, so this is nothing new, but this construction zone is larger than usual.  Of course, our project was larger than usual.  WAY larger.  We took out a hall closet, enlarged the upstairs bathroom and are putting in a shower.  On the way, we discovered that the bathroom sink was actually duct taped together, not connected with pipes like normal plumbing.  We also redid the mudroom – pulled up floor (linoleum, 3/4 ply, more linoleum) and then laid tile, painted and made new baseboards and changed the lighting fixture and updated the sockets.  That room looks nice.  I need to add window coverings.  Why that little 7×7 room should have more windows than my living room is beyond me.

I have friends who chose to stay in NOLA during Hurricane Gustav.  Not terribly close friends, but close enough for me to worry like crazy.  I spent a lot of time singing that hurricane away from my friends.  It must have worked.  Of course, there were about 100 other womyn singing it away, too.  It was interesting to see the reaction of my mom and step-dad.  My mother, after dismissing my friends as crazy, did not want to hear any updates, going so far as to say, “I don’t care about that.”  My step-father, on the other hand, would ask what the update was every time he noticed me slipping off to check the computer.

Normally, my mother and I are really close.  But on this visit, she was full of judgement and little biting remarks that she called “teasing.”  Yesterday, after having responded to her snipes several times with my own comments like, “that feels mean,” I finally said, “Why are you sniping at me?”  Her response was, “I was only teasing.”  (again) and I responded with, “I don’t like it and I’ve been telling you that all weekend!”  I’m afraid my tone wasn’t very kind.  She did stop with the comments, though.

I have one birthday gift to open today.  Not a bad thing – my home construction project was a gift, too.  This just happens to be the one that is still under wraps.  I love, love, love opening surprises!  I think I’m going to save it for tonight, after dinner with my friends, when I am a little tired and am savoring the day.  I want to be able to stop and picture the womyn who sent it to me and be fully present in the moment that I open it.  When someone thinks enough of you to send a gift, it should be given your full attention.

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