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Posts Tagged ‘blogging’

nanowrimo

yep, I’m in.  And you know what that means.  Either I will drop off the face of the earth for a month or I will be posting here more often just to get away from the agony of 1667 words per day without feeling guilty.  Great program, by the way – check it out:  www.nanowrimo.org 

So yes, if I don’t write again soon, I’m thinking of you, but I haven’t made my word count, so I can’t come out to play 🙂

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This past week has been one that has led me to really think about expectations and what they can do to a person.  Especially in cyberland.  When we find a person on line, each place that we find them is like a different social setting.  The person you meet in my blog is one dimension of who I am, as is the person you meet on Facebook, or on GoodReads, or any number of places I am a contributor to.  What you can’t know is who the person you would meet face to face most like?  Is it the serious, deep thinker?  The cut-up?  Or maybe the non-reader. (That would be for all of you who know me through Good Reads – I actually eat books for breakfast, but you wouldn’t know it by what I post I have read.)  Oh, and that brings me to the other thing – what is real?  True?  True for a moment?

I think we all tend to believe that whatever part of a person we connect best with is their real, true self.  When other aspects we encounter don’t match up to what we expect, it can be upsetting, even make us angry.  Expectations.   I recently had an acquaintance I’ve known for a few years cut off contact, because she found my humor to be offensive and she couldn’t reconcile one cyber Kip with another cyber Kip.

During that same time, I met someone that had only met cyber Kip here on the blog and in one other venue.  She had been slightly afraid that I would be a rather one-dimensional, incense burning, Birky wearing, chanting granola-eater.  And I am, but that is not by the smallest stretch of the imagination all that I am.  She was prepared to go with whomever she met.  No expectations.  We had a blast together.

I’m totally into goal setting – it’s how we get what we want.  But I have been thoroughly reminded about how damaging expectations can be.  And I need to remember the difference.

The offensive humor?  Oh, I’m not sure.  The topics that day were hair dye, polyamory, and merkins.

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I just couldn’t sit back and not claim my proud space as one of the anonymous pathetic bloggers who have garnered the dislike and active hatred of Sarah Palin. 

Yep, the election is over.  Nope, she doesn’t really matter any more.  And yet…  I think she has a political savvy.  Or at least takes instruction well.  She’s (or her keepers are) trying to keep herself in the spotlight for the future and at the same time, trying to cast herself as a victim, a pawn who was used for her political inexperience.  A woman who is trying to convince us that now she has experience and should have spoken out sooner with her homespun, this is how a household budget works, wisdom.

What I don’t want to forget is why I disliked her so much when she was running for vice-president.  She is disingenuous.  She makes rash decisions. (Like flying home to a small hospital after her water broke during a high risk pregnancy.)  She puts her own political future ahead of her family.  (Like forcing/allowing her 16 year old to marry when she became pregnant.)  She turns on a dime according to the political winds.  (Like the Alaskan oil fields.)  Oh, and she talks funny.

I know this is a stupid rant and not timely at all.  It certainly is not born of any of the qualities that I aspire to always live.  I want to be a womon of strength who maintains her inner peace and non-judgemental aura at all times.  Sadly, I feel this woman threatens that. And I allow it.   Well, actually, the idea of her ever having real power threatens that.  Which means I have a piece of fear that I need to examine.  Is it this woman?  No, not really.  I think it has to do with the dawning of real hope that I am having for my country.

At last, after a period of time that is as long as my students can remember, our country is on the cusp of being truly powerful.  Powerful in the sense of truth, integrity, and compassion.  People like Sarah Palin threaten that.  Small-minded, power-hungry, self-aggrandizing and cheap. 

I can see that I need to pray.  For Sarah, for those who live in fear, and for myself, to let go, allow the Goddess to do her work, and to simply trust.  It always works for me.

So, there’s the end of my rant.  The next post will be back to regular programming, I promise!

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Recently, I had an experience that got me to thinking about dating in the computer age.  Funnily enough, a friend of mine is having a similar but different kind of experience.  We’ve been talking about it, and while we haven’t really taken a poll, we have the sense that what we are experiencing is a generational thing.

So, my friend gets an email from a girl she’s been kind of interested in, and it’s a “will you go out with me?’ email.  Kinda’ cool!  The automatic signature at the bottom of the email contains a link to said woman’s web page and blog.  So my friend checks it out.  (And wouldn’t we all?)  Now she feels she knows way, way too much about this womon and wonders what they will talk about on their first dates.  Should she mention that she has read the blog?  Aren’t some of these stories things that one might want to tell in person, and maybe with a different slant?  And how much does my friend need to share to be on “equal footing?”  To top it off, while my friend isn’t on Facebook, I am, and through my friends, I know that this womon has written about my friend on her Facebook page.  She doesn’t mention her by name, but our world is rapidly becoming a fishbowl.  Where is one’s privacy?  How much about ourselves should we put out there, and how will it be interpreted?

Which brings me to my recent experience.  A woman that I have been interested in and who is interested in me saw some things that I had posted on Facebook and in a couple of places and put two and two together and came up with five hundred ninety-nine.  Luckily we’re both good, direct communicators, and there was no harm no foul, but it served to give me an even further awareness of what knowing someone in the computer age can mean.

Friending someone on Facebook is like stepping in to a continuous party, where you may or may not know anyone there except your friend.  How they are related to the people they talk to, what their status statements mean, the quips that go back and forth – what’s real, what’s an inside joke, and what’s just plain old BS?

Now combine that with blogs, Web sites, and other “Web sightings”, you get a big, messy puzzle that can be put together in a bajillion ways.  And, if you care about that person that you’re getting all of this information about, sometimes there is a tendency to think that they are posting with you in mind.   “Are they, aren’t they?  Are they trying to tell me something?  Or is it not about me? ”

People my age are relatively new to social networking.  We tend to feel stalkerish if we read even what has obviously been put out there for public purview.  (Yeah, I don’t know why either.)  We hesitate to admit that we have information unless it is told directly to us.  (Like we need to keep it secret that we are interested in what our friends have to say or are thinking.  That would be bad, why?)  We are learning though, and I think it is making us better communicators.  I think it is making us more assertive, less fear driven (if we step up and ask for the clarifications), and generally happier.  I know I have become much more transparent and really, really thoughtfully honest since I started blogging and Facebooking.  Everyone can see what I’ve said to everyone else.  It’s a good way to keep drama free.   But this is not an easy or comfortable change.  Good growth never is.  And transparency is not for the faint of heart.

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Creeped out

Okay, I’m now officially, totally creeped out. Someone typed in “How to strangle yourself” on a search engine and got my blog. Icky!

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So it seems that I have a base of 22 dedicated readers who check my blog regularly.  I didn’t really think about having people who regularly checked in until yesterday when I was with some friends and one of them told me how glad she was that I was back from that place where there is no email because she missed my blog posts.  I’m not sure how much I like knowing exactly who is reading my stuff.  It kind of censors me in a way that I really hadn’t thought about.

Like, I was going to write about how I had totally convinced myself that my festie dresses could be real world wear and so I wore one out with my friends.  But when I did, another woman who probably thought she was being funny came up and stuck money in my cleavage.  Very disconcerting and disrespectful.  I’ll never wear that dress outside of Fest again.  But now I wonder if my friend who reads this blog will talk to the woman who did it, because I know they are friends. I wonder if I will be causing hurt feelings.  (C, I trust you will keep this to yourself.)  Ah, well.  There’s really nothing to be done about it.  I guess when you put yourself into public space, you have to consider the risk and what is acceptable to you.

So then I began to wonder about the people who do read my blog.  I originally started it because I had to.  It was a requirement for the Secret Pal Swap.  It was supposed to be all about my knitting.  Obviously, I have gotten away from that.  BTW, my knitting is going slowly.  I am still working on my socks (2 pair) and three hats – none of which are for me.  Read the socks are for me, the hats are not.  So, I am asking – what is it that keeps you reading my blog?  Are you looking for more about what I create or more about my life?  Let me know.

New topic:  I saw the boy yesterday.  It was pretty emotion neutral and he was full of lies.  Pretty sad.  I cleaned out his room and it is once again a guest room.

Music for today:  Hootie, James Taylor, Digney Fignus, Emmylou Harris, Spin Doctors (lots of Spin Doctors) and Natalie Merchant

Reading for today: Big Mouth and Ugly Girl (the author has me so uncomfortable and filled with feelings of helplessness that I’m having trouble getting through without putting it down occasionally to breath.  Only on Chapter 6.)  Anne of Green Gables (that redhead sure does talk alot!)

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